A summer in Europe, as cliche as it sounds, is something quite like bananas and peanut butter, you’ve just got to do it. After escaping the chill of Sydney for three weeks and embracing the 20-35 degrees across Europe, it’s needless to say I made a crucial error whilst packing. Remember, just because it’s colder than Tony Abbot’s soul where you live, it doesn’t mean it will be equally as frozen over on the other side of the globe. They’ve got Putin to keep them warm. Now let me enlighten you with these tips and tricks I picked up during my escapades.
1. Keep underwear in your carry on luggage
2. Eat like it’s your cheat day on your Jenny Craig diet
3. Be a horrible tourist, it’s hilarious
4. This includes pretending that monuments are in your hands for photos
5. Take photos of tourists doing the stupid tourist poses
6. Follow in Kim K’s shoes and take lots of selfies
7. Prepare to get home and delete 80% of your photos
8. Sure that rock was pretty, but what are you going to do with that photo now?
9. Pack like two of everything, except underwear, you can never have enough of those
10. Reduce, reuse, recycle your outfits
11. Ignore the Gypsy’s in Paris (they’re major scammers just ignore them)
12. Eyes forward, hands on valuables, don’t attract criminal attention
13. Stopping in the middle of a sidewalk with a map WILL attract criminal attention
14. To you, the internet should only exist to update your Instagram to remind people that you’re living the life and they’re not
15. Otherwise, put the device down and get exploring
16. When you get homesick, remember that when you get home you’ll probably have to stop eating 5 pizzas a day and 12L of gelato
17. Ignore snobby locals
18. If you were a local, you’d be rude too
19. Seriously, imagine having to speak your second language to tourists constantly
20. FIND A BEACH
21. GO TO SAID BEACH
22. SPEND DAY AT SAID BEACH
23. Laugh at all the creeps who try to sell you sunglasses
24. While you’re wearing sunglasses
25. They’re not very bright
26. People watch
27. If a restaurants menu has several languages (local language and English is ok) and pictures, run, it’s an overpriced tourist trap
28. Download an offline map for your device
29. Get lost in the abundance of side streets and staircases
30. Find a little authentic restaurant
31. Buy food you’ve never heard of/can’t decipher
32. Enjoy your foreign delicacy
33. Go on a ghost tour
34. It probably won’t be scary (mine wasn’t) but it’s a great way to learn local tales and discover little gems
35. On mine, I found a church decorated with human corpses
36. When the sun goes down, stick to populated streets
37. Go by a different name
38. Prepare to walk like it’s the stone ages
39. Foreign public transport is scary and weird
40. Notice the absence of schools (they’re all in regular buildings)
41. Sitting in a cafe and watching the world go by is the opposite of time wasting
42. Have a fling or two
43. Or three
44. It is totally ok to inside, outside and flip your underwear
45. Prepare to only shower every few days
46. Prepare for the bidet’s
47. Long distances and cobblestones equals very sore feet
48. Treat yourself
49. Disconnect yourself from your life at home
50.Deal with the queues, they’re there for a reason, it’s obviously worth it
51. You’re going to get an awesome Mediterranean tan, or a wicked sun burn
52. Expect to come home broke and sad
Take these on board, remember them, try not getting yourself killed. Seriously it’ll ruin the whole trip.
- Thomas Anderson
When I was little, I got up early every single Saturday morning to watch Video Hits (and during the ad breaks flick to Rage) on Channel 10. There was no one I wanted to be more than Faustina “Fuzzy” Agolley (the super gorgeous super cool super funny host) and I cried like a little baby when it was cancelled in 2011. I can still remember the last ever video clip that was aired on the show in August 2011 (Every Teardrop is a Waterfall by Coldplay – ironic because I was sobbing, half at the fact that my weekend traditions were OVER and half at the fact that I would never work on Video Hits as a presenter). Fortunately, a similar music video based show started airing on Channel 11 in January 2012 with super cool presenter Ash London and babe of my heart and the only reason I ever watched Prank Patrol, Scott Tweedie.
HOWEVER, if you’re like me and way too lazy to get out of bed at a ridiculously early hour in the morning on a Saturday anymore (aka any time before 11:30am) and you miss the show every weekend, NEVER FEAR! I’m here to give you a list of music videos you can watch from the safety and warmth of your own bed, and they are top quality with bangin’ tunez and videos. I mean, it is winter! It’s COLD! I CAN’T LEAVE MY BED!
So here we go – my favourite music videos in no particular order, and only the ones that I can remember at this point in time:
(note: I am a pop person. These will mostly be pop. You should enjoy them anyway)
(note #2: you have probably seen lots of these. Do I care? Not particularly. WATCH THEM AGAIN)
Fancy – Iggy Azalea featuring Charli XCX
Look, I already wrote about this in depth here. I still stand by what I said – it’s rad.
Want U Back (US Version) – Cher Lloyd
THE COLOURS! THE OUTFITS! THAT ORANGE BLUE COMBINATION! CHER’S SILLY FACES! WHAT’S NOT TO LOVE? You’d probably recognise the diner from another sick music video – Cee Lo Green’s Fuck You. (Fun fact: it doesn’t actually operate as a real diner)
Bang Pop – Free Energy
I think this song was recommended in a Girlfriend magazine and I was like, hey I’ll check that out! I’m obsessed with it and the girls in it. SUCH BABES.
Clean White Love – Lisa Mitchell
Who wouldn’t want to be part of a snuggly pile of cute people and film on vintage cameras? The composition of the video and the contrast of the red in the lipstick and deck of cards and flower and gumboots and umbrella and bag? I paid legitimate money to buy this video off iTunes. That’s how cute and beautiful it is. Also, I’d like to look this good after sleeping and not showering for two days.
Hollywood – Marina & the Diamonds
POP CULTURE REFERENCES ALL OVER THE PLACE! Seriously, Marina looks angelic and the outfits and the whole Americana vibe and her lipstick and hair and sequins. If you can, get me that silver sequin dress and the American flag sequined jacket. (Honourable mention because I don’t want to have two videos by the same artist on this list – Radioactive by M&TD because I wrote a short story inspired by it and got 14/15 for English #blessed)
You Belong With Me – Taylor Swift
This music video is iconic – Taylor Swift plays both herself and the girl she’s competing against for the attention of this one boy (THEY SHOULD DATE EACH OTHER! LOVE YOURSELF!) and inspired many a dream of mine to have a hot neighbour to message with paper signs with.
Wasted – Tiësto featuring Matthew Koma
This music video should be a fashion ad. The girls are beautiful, the clothes are gorgeous, the song is a proper dance around your room with your best mates type song and when I’m famous I’m totally going to become besties with all the directors and force them to show of Chanel’s new collection in a video like this.
Ugly Heart – G.R.L.
I gotta be entirely honest with you, I saw this clip and heard this song for the first time on Thursday night and I’m completely obsessed with it. Girl groups can pull out the stops, especially in terms of costumes and this video has a nice clear narrative and an incredible song to go along with it!
Dani California – Red Hot Chili Peppers
A short lesson on iconic bands? Sign me up! This clip is probably my favourite of all time, partially due to the fact that I adore the song with my whole heart, and partially due to the fact that it’s just really really cool. Try and name all the bands/artists/styles they emulate.
Call Me Maybe – Carly Rae Jepsen
I will not stand any criticism against Call Me Maybe. No one TRULY hates this song – it’s a classic! It’ll live on forever! If you think I won’t sing along to it and bounce around and do the universal sign for “call me”, you are wrong on SO many levels. This is a song that unites a generation etc etc etc, and the video is interesting and unique – Carly is me (if I had a hot neighbour) and the plot twist at the end of the clip is done without being uncomfortable or clunky.
There we go! My top music videos that I can remember at this point in time (it’ll undoubtedly change in a week – or as soon as this gets posted). Chuck us a comment with your favourite music videos!
- India Armstrong
When I think about that time you held me ever so tightly in your arms, I squirm. It’s not the best thing to think about. The winter breeze reminds me of you because you were so warm that night. The winter breeze also reminds me of how cold you were after that night. It was like I was trapped under snow, and I was so cold. You cut me off and you never spoke to me again. I didn’t even know why. Eventually, I found out, but not through you. I found out through someone else, and what they told me, well, sucked.
People ask me how you are, and to be frank, I don’t know how you are. What you’ve done. Where you’ve been. I’ve seen you a couple of times, but I never want to see you again. But I know that this is inevitable. We know the same people, we will see each other. But I don’t want you to speak to me, although I know that you won’t. The first time we saw each other again, you ran. You ran away as fast as you could. I felt like a train-wreck, like someone had stabbed my heart 10 times. The next time I saw you, I walked straight past you. I didn’t want to think of you, and I didn’t want you to know I was there, because I know you would run again.
Sometimes I wish that this whole thing was a hallucination of some sort - like it was just a dream and it never happened. That you never happened. That I wouldn’t feel like shit whenever someone recognised me and would be like “Oh my God, it’s you! Where is he, I need to call him right now!”. Why do people still like to point it out after like months of it happening? It’s like I’m walking around with a big sign that says “Freaky Girl Kissed Someone She Didn’t Know” and it’s like I’m proud that it’s my trademark. Because I’m really not. You’re never going to get ahold of this, but if you do, please note that your friends are fuckwits.
I’m assuming that the reason why I cared so much was because I had never gotten that close with someone before, and because my love life relies of sitcoms of other people’s, I assumed that we would be going somewhere afterwards. But, of course, reality doesn’t work that way. Why the fuck did I think I would be getting somewhere with a then-fourteen year old adolescent who knew nothing more than woo girls with what appears to be the best, smooth moves he had. I make the excuse that I only kissed you due to peer pressure, but really I just wanted to kiss you. That was stupid, wasn’t it?
But I can’t blame you completely, “It takes two to tango”, as the saying goes. I spent so long worrying about you. Messaging you on Skype, even though I gave up after 2 weeks. Getting my friend to text you. I feel like a creepy stalker for doing that, sorry about that. But the least you could’ve done was reply to me once so it didn’t feel like I was the plague. But I guess that’s how it is, and that’s how it’s always going to be. I’m older now, and I’ve realised that you’re nothing more than a speck in the universe to me.
The winter breeze reminds me of you, and I don’t know when that link will vanish away. Maybe months, maybe years from now I’ll forget all about you. But, until then, you’re always going to be that cold air that circulates in my mind.